How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?