When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.