You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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