three words: i give head
three words: not that well
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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