her facebook's as public as her vagina
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
