Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
