i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
