my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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