how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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