last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
A+ Viking dick
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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