your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
