Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
