I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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