Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
