I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
