Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
