does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
