So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
