i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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