Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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