This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
