If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
