so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
