found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
