She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
