Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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