Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
