Four minutes until I can fart!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
