is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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