Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
