No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
