come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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