We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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