Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
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My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
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I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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