her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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