SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
