Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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