for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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