Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
