I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My ass is underappreciated
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize