Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so that wasnt chicken after all
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
