shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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