my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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