she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
