What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
