Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
