i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
