My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
