We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you will always have a special place in my vag
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
