I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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