you guys were way drunker than both of me
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
