we're blogging at a bar
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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