I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
