you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
