I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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