omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize