Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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