she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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