Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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