When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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