There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
