the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
