I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
someone owes me an orgasm
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
it's like iHOP with fire
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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